i have found a sanctuary

Sometimes I am surpirsed by the beauty in everyday things. I finally went to bed last night, turned off the lights, and snuggled deep into the piles of pillows and blankets on my bed. For a small moment there was only peace, a bright moon shining on my face and a cool ocean breeze slipping through my open window. I could even hear the waves crashing on the nearby shore.
My life here will be sweet, I know. Sweet, simple, and full of hard work and small joys. My whole life I have felt I was seeking for something, trying so hard to be better, fuller, stronger, more of something that I was not. Last night I remembered that I am whole. There is nothing to seek that will not eventually find me on its own. And it's in the simplest of moments that I realize-
-Life is good.

john trudell

remember, impatient child, the gentleness of time.

there are some falling-aparts that no magic can fix.

back to plan a

So here is the deal:
I have possibly lost my mind completely. I make a big deal to a bunch of people about how teaching is going to be my real career, about how I'm starting school and moving to Santa Cruz and making something of myself.
Well now I am chainging my mind for the thousandth time and embracing my passion for massage and doula work once again. God save me from my self, and my chaotic mind. I found a school in Santa Cruz that seems to be legit, that I am hoping to attend for massage. It has a doula program built right in too. Both things that I want to do are available to study at this school.
But here I am, having to make sense of this to my grandparents and everyone all over again. Shit.