I don't know if it's beacause I'm doing massage again, or if it's got to do with the fact that I'm not chasing some useless boy around... hell, it could just be the ocean air or the view from the top of the hill.
I'm beginning to grow up.
I can feel it. I'm learning things about myself, and then changing or keeping them. I'm taking small moments for myself, and really using them for a purpose. I'm, learning what I need to be happy, like potted plants in my doorway, and a good solid view of nature. And somehow it includes handling my responsibilities.
I think I hold myself to a higher truth, and it's making me think my dad was at least partially right. I have high expectations for myself. I think he instilled them in me, but I also think that even if it weren't for him and his parental misjudgements, I would have a fear of failure.
But no. I take that back. If it weren't for him, I would feel much more powerful. I wouldn't fear never being good enough.
It doesn't matter. What I'm trying to convey, is that I know now that I am important to myself, if no one else. I am beautiful, and passionate, and even... gasp... smart. I can handle whatever blessings or curses come my way in life. That's not to say I welcome a curse... please, Universe, do not test me. But I am strong.
I am ready to LIVE this life. I didn't know I hadn't been.
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