summer in the country

Today feels like Summer. The sun was full for the first time in months, and even the breeze is balmy and warm. I went barefoot for the first time since November. It smells like Summer, like grass and hot asphalt and fresh foods. I can't wait for freckles on my shoulders and the river in my hair. I didn't know how much I missed it.
Summer in Grass Valley is the only time it comes alive. Other seasons just pass, with no real plans and no real ambitions. Life just happens to people here, for all the other seasons of the year. But Summer... Summer carries with it some kind of magic, some spell that falls over the county and wakes it up. The hippies plant their vegetables and pot, the hick boys go 4-wheeling and dirt-biking. The pretty high school girls have their Summer flings while the old retired couples knit on their porches and watch their grandchildren run through the sprinklers. People party and barbeque and go camping on weekends. Parents take their kids to sporting events and concerts and sleepovers. Summer jumps from hand to hand like a chain letter until everyone is smiling and fanning themselves.
I know it's only the beginning of Spring, but today it felt like Summer...

yearning: body, heart

I want to be in love again.
I want the pitter-patter of my heartbeat, I want the rush of blood to my face when I blush. I want someone that makes me feel exciting and interesting. I want someone I can pour my love into, like a fountain into the pond.
But maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I need to realize that I am the fountain and the pond. I am interesting and exciting even when there is no one to notice.

On another not completely... My body. It is yearning for some life. I sit, make art, write, and read. But I haven't gone for a walk for no reason in a long time, and I have no one to limber me up in bed. My body needs some real attention. YOGA is key. I believe my life will change drastically when I begin a yoga practce. Really. I need to just do it, get off my lazy butt and be beautiful.

gypsy lady

Isn't she beautiful?
This is a woman i could look up to. She oozes sexuality, and confidence. She knows who she is and is not afraid to embody herself wholly.

I am not yet so strong. I am 23 years old and I am still not quite sure who I am. So many friends of mine seem immature and often much younger than they really are. I am afraid I am in that catagory, as opposed to being 'adult'. I have other friends that are very adult, very grown-up. I am certainly not among them in lifestyle, and I am actually happy about that. I don't want to be old before my time. I want a real life before I give it up to be 'regular'.
But in that lies the dilemma. I am not adult, but I am outgrowing most of my friends. I do not want to blow time and money on just having fun, but there is so much more to life than getting a good job and making good money and having good kids to pass on my good genetics. I am afraid of the normal, boring life. I want more.

This woman has more. You can see it.

the only place

There is a place I have been that brings me close to God. Everyone I know calls it 'The Mountain' though as far as I am concerned, it barely counts. The mountains I have lived near my whole life are some of the largest, and grandest, and very little else compares. But 'The Mountain' it is, and I call it that as well.
There have been a few times in my life where I have thought to myself, I should go to The Mountain for a while. And sometimes I do. But there has never been a time where I felt I needed it. When I have been so out of touch that it seemed a real requirement of my life. But today, and at this moment, I need The Mountain.
When I am on The Mountain I feel whole. I feel all the bullshit fall away, and the true world exists. My heart opens up like the sky in the desert, and even the breeze feels like a whisper from God. I wake up there, and the birds sing, and the sun shines, and the clouds gather and part... and I have never felt so at peace or so a part of it all. I understand what it means for the mountain to come to Muhammad, because The Mountain comes to me, in my soul, whenever I am barefoot upon it.
I just wish The Mountain would come to me now.

stick in the mud.

I find that I have nothing to say. I am a dull girl.

surrendering to gravity

So it hurts sometimes when you find out your dreams are not meant for you. The Universe, in all its wisdom, slaps your hand away from the cookie jar, telling you 'no' enough times you stop trying and go for the vegetables instead.
But when one door opens...
...you find out that you have a few tricks up your sleeve you forgot about.
So now I'm making jewelry, and trying to get it sold somewhere. I am looking for jobs and thinking about college. I am experimenting with my life now... and it's fun.

road trip

Ah, to roll down the windows and turn up the radio and let the sun and the breeze rush through your hair... To let the shadows of leaves fall on your face and wrap your arms tighter around that someone you love... To rest your ankles upon the other and drift into a daze of passing apple orchards and christmas tree farms...

My love and I... we spent the hours of a day winding over twisting roads that dipped and rose over mountains and hills... We caught the fairies dancing over mossed rocks and wild mushrooms... We gasped at the almost-full moon and the radiant sunset...

My love and I... we held hands and made faces and were generally happy for a day.